Climate change debate analogy

So your car is filthy and a mechanic told you that if you don't clean it soon, the dirt on the windscreen is going to obscure your view so much that you'll write it off and potentially kill some people.

So you go out to wash your car and your crazy right wing conspiracy theorist neighbour is angrily screaming at you over the fence, "There's nothing wrong with the car! The mechanic lied to you! Even though I'm not a mechanic so I'm woefully unqualified to even suggest it, but anyway, I'm telling you because someone really smart I know down the pub who has 2 GCSE's told me!"

You think to yourself (if you've got any common sense) "Well I doubt it. Although you never know. Maybe the mechanic exaggerated a bit. Maybe the dirt on my car isn't my fault... but still... it'd be nice to have a cleaner car anyway." You don't just leave it like that, hoping eventually it cleans itself.

Look, whether climate change is really happening or the fault of human pollution or not (personally, like most people with more that a scattering of braincells, I'm with the 'crazy libtard scientists' on this one. Can't ignore those pesky PhD's), we're treating this place the way Christopher Columbus treated Central America in the early 1500's (that's an extremely clever joke. Google it) and it's time to have, at the VERY least, a bit of a tidy up.

FAQ:

- "Climate change is a hoax/conspiracy/con" - Read a book, please.

- "Greta Thunberg is an idiot!" - She's 16 and she's smarter than you. Sit down."

- "We survived the last ice age!" - Good point. And those of us who aren't hopelessly reliant on technology and home comfort so that we don't die will survive another one, but it won't be very nice.

- "But da planet's jus movin closa to th sun tho" - I can arrange for you to be moved closer to the sun.

- "But Donald Trump said..." - *smacks you about the face with the nearest blunt object, hoping it's heavy enough to knock some sense into you.

10 legit reasons to hold a second referendum:

1. 51% isn't a clear majority. With an issue that important, they should have required a 2/3 majority in the first place to make sure it's what people really wanted.

2. Lots of new information has come to light we were denied the first time like the fact that half the self-serving wankers in the commons have personal financial interests.

3. One of those self-serving wankers (whom, to his credit, appears to be a very skilled businessman) Jacob Rees Mogg has launched a new investment firm in Dublin which shows he's got about as much faith in an independent UK economy as a cat has in the stability of an object it's just about to push over the edge of a table.

4. We've already spent an insane amount of taxpayers' money on something that would never have happened if another 2% of those taxpayers had voted remain. Since 2016 the tories have been treating the average taxpayer the way that John Bonham treated his central nervous system.

5. Since the 2016 referendum, three years worth of teenagers are now old enough to vote. I've only met a handful of people my age or younger who voted leave.
(Before anyone starts chucking projectiles at that one, try to remember that kids now are more switched on politically than ever before and after all, it's their future)

6. Since the 2016 referendum, three years worth of a generation that overwhelmingly voted leave are now dead. (not a very nice fact, but a fact nonetheless)

7. Racism and fear of immigration was definitely a factor in the last one. Denying that is like denying the earth is round. A lot of hardline Brexiteers are now realising that Brexit won't actually make a shred of difference when it comes to illegal immigration.

8. It's not difficult to see the abject hypocrisy of leavers supporting Boris Johnson's plan for Brexit after citing "undemocratic European parliament" and "undemocratic second referendum" in their reasoning. The country didn't elect that fucking waste of DNA and given the choice, we wouldn't have done. Then he went and tried to prorogue parliament to push Brexit through faster meaning not only has he taken the right to choose (democracy for short) away from the people, he's taken it away from the people who represent the people, wankers though they may be.

9. Having now lost a fair bit of faith in Jeremy Corbyn after the general election vote debacle (sorry mate), it's now pretty clear that none of these idiots have the brains or the stones to go to Brussels and not make a complete Chernobyl fire of the whole thing and embarrass the shit out of all of us.

10. Our all powerful PM is now losing Tory MP's at such an alarmingly high rate that by the time the 31st of October comes around (actually quite excited about what hilarious hallowe'en related nickname the history books are going to give it), he's going to have lost his majority in the Commons.

Right there's 10.


FAQ:


"It's undemocratic!" - See points 5, 6 and 8.


"You're too young to understand" - translation: "You're going to be alive to see the catastrophic shitstorm I've left your generation in while I'm either dead or too senile to care what's happening in the world outside my nursing home."


"Immigrants!" - See point 7 and stop reading the Daily Express you racist dick.


"At least Boris has a backbone!" - He does not. He's a bottom-feeding mole person.


"We're getting our blue passports though!" - Please leave the UK. You're an indictment of our state education system and it's embarrassing that you were even declared mentally competent enough to vote.


"They're all wankers." - No that's... actually hang on... yeah that one's true.