The Rant Blog

Phil's Rants Episode... something. I'm not sure, I've lost count.

Anywhich...

Let's consider an alternative universe in British politics for a sec...

Scenario: Parliament followed proper parliamentary procedure regarding the 2016 referendum and the vote was subject to a supermajority (2/3) instead of 50/50 (because the result will affect certain personal rights and freedoms and will affect the economy, under which circumstances a supermajority is required. If you don't believe me, look it up).

Result 1: We remain in the EU because we made a sensible decision and we understand that 52% isn't any sane, rational person's definition of a decisive majority and without a majority of more than 66%, the vote fails to pass and everything stays the way it is.

Result 2: We wouldn't have spent 3 years bitching about it with one side demanding another referendum and the other hurling out blood-curdling cries of "you lost, get over it", "it was the will of the people" and my personal favourite (from a social group that staunchly maintains that they're NOT racists) "take our country back, we didn't win 2 world wars so we could negotiate with Germans!"

Result 3: We wouldn't have 2 sides at what must now be about 50/50, both stubbornly intransigent, meaning we have a complete political stalemate in which absolutely nothing gets decided because each side just straight-up vetoes every suggestion by the other like two equally sized cats trying to push each other over the edge of a table.

Result 4: We might still have had to put up with Theresa May's malevolent, rage-inspiring fake smile on the news every day but at least Boris DeSmallpox Johnson probably wouldn't even be politically relevant and he'd happily just sit at home reading the Daily Mail every day drinking radioactive waste with his wife or pet komodo dragon or whatever the fuck she is.

Result 5: We'd likely forget that David Cameron ever existed.

Result 6: We wouldn't have a political regime under which we're almost contractually obligated to lick Donald Trump's arse now that our trade deal with the EU is all but out the proverbial window.

Result 7: We wouldn't be sending that yellow-haired mole-person backwards and forwards to Brussels to stutter through pathetic deals and make the UK a laughing stock of, not only Europe but America (and given the weird school bully impersonating dick weevil they've got in the white house, we're now basically the poor skinny nerd kid who's about to get robbed of his lunch money on the way to A/V club).

Yes, we understand that remain lost the referendum.

No, we will not "get over it".

No, we don't give a shit what colour our passports are.

Yes, we quite like Europe. It's lovely. Have you been?

Yes, we would like to see Boris Johnson killed in a freak skydiving accident.

And no, we are not under any democratic obligation to just sit back and let this ridiculous shitshow happen for the sake of a vote that took place 3 years ago which our side lost by 2 measly percent on an issue about which the whole nation was systematically mislead and lied to for the sake of the self-serving wankers who planned it.